“Why can’t you forgive her?” asks Ben.
It’s springtime, the year they got together. They’re happy. As happy as they know how to be.
Cheryl has just started talking to Mama about him, and he’s the first person ever she’s wanted to be honest with about it. She thinks she loves him, how she knows to love, anyway. She’s younger, far less aged than she is now. Her heart is inexperienced, not yet worn in like a baseball glove. Not misshapen and sagged. She’s tender with him.
More tender than she ever should have been, not knowing that her heart would soon only count seconds and pump blood.
“I just…can’t.”
“Do you miss her?”
“I don’t miss her, no. I miss what I never had. I’ve spent my whole life missing something I’ve never had.”
“Do you ever want to forgive her?”
“Yes.”
“Then why don’t you?”
“Because she’s never going to change.”
He nods.
Then after awhile, he speaks again, only softer and slower this time.
“I just think that you only have one Mom, and one day she’s going to be gone…and you’re going to wish things were different.”
She nods.
Maybe, she thinks.
“No. I won’t.”
Maybe, she thinks again.
Maybe.
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