And my heart aches, suddenly wanting, longing, believing and not having.

Lighten Up

Time was of no consequence and I just hoped that eternity would start now. The person I used to be had suddenly ceased to exist. I was melting and being remodeled into nothing but the hand he was just holding right now.

...

I think I'm you and he thinks he's me.

Something changed and I couldn't pinpoint when.

"And as much as I want to own you, I know I don't."

I gave him a book of these words and I wondered if he tried to read it like brail, fingers first. If he got lost in all the things I am that remain unseen. What medicine do you give the blind? I knew he was tired and all I wanted was for him to reach for me.

"Do you remember when I loved you before?"

"Vaguely."

"You had red hair."

"I always knew I was meant to have red hair." I had spent months speaking to him all alone.

I didn't know when or why, but things changed. There were two ways to look at it. In one exact and precise moment, everything had shifted and I was too dumb to notice. Or, the abstract wind in which we lived blew left instead of right, and suddenly, we were just fine.

I was always good at finding something beautiful in the ordinary.

Now, I saw the exquisite folded in the extraordinary.

I'm sorry for the long absence.

I have been shooting a lot recently, most notably a film called Ferocious to be released in 2012. I'm working on edits for my collection of short stories Eat Your Heart Out to be released in fall 2012 by the wonderful Brindle and Glass.

It's an exciting time but I have been missing the stillness I find here. I promise more updates through Christmas and the new year.

Here's to eternal sunshine.

Thinking of you.

xxx