Black Sheep - A Novel Excerpt

When I get home, Andrew is waiting for me in my bedroom. He’s lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling. My tall, beautiful man hidden in flowered blankets.

“I thought you were leaving,” I say.

He turns and looks at me. His eyes are mourning.

“That was for show.”

I notice the suitcase, zipped at his feet.


“Your bags still packed.”

“I got that movie. I’ll say no if you want me to.”


“No, go. Go.” I’m not sure if I mean it. “When do you leave?”

“Tomorrow.”

“What time?” My heart is beating and it makes such an Almighty sound I know that he can hear it.

“First thing.”

“Well, it’s late. Let’s go to bed.”

Thank God, we’ll just miss each other at the airport.

I press my face against his chest.

“I’m leaving tomorrow, too. I have to go to L.A. to just...tie up some loose ends.”

“What?”


“I booked the ticket last night, drunk. I thought about what you said. You were right.”

That’s half true. I guess if I learned one thing from my father it was to shade your lies with truth.

“Are you drunk now?”

I nod.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving at breakfast?” he asks.

“Because I hadn’t really decided if I wanted to go.”

“Why do you have to go so soon?”

“It’s not a big trip. I just want to pack more clothes, tell my agents what’s happened in person. I’ll probably be here for awhile again.”

I can’t look at his eyes.

He nods. “I understand,” he says. He doesn’t though.

“Is it wrong if I ask you what’s happening with us?”
 he whispers minutes later.

“No.”

“So what’s happening with us?”

“I’m just really fucked up right now.”

“Are we breaking up?”


“No.”

“Do you want to?”

“I don’t think so. I just need some time to figure everything out.”

He turns on his side and puts his hand on my hip, awkwardly, beautifully. I kiss his chest and I tell him that I love him but he doesn’t notice. He’s too busy trying to wipe his tears.

I take off my dress, leaving me naked, vulnerable.

We don’t make love.

He leaves the next morning. I drop him off at Pearson International, and six hours later, when he has landed in Nova Scotia, I am back at Pearson, boarding a plane to Belfast.

Put your dreams away for now. I won’t see you for some time. I am lost in my mind.

I am lost in my mind.

Over the Atlantic, I drift in and out of sleep, twisted like a Chinese contortionist.

It helps that I stole some of my Mom's tranquilizers.